>> MASTERS OF THE TOONIVERSE
Transformers will be clunking onto the big screen on 28th July. In homage to its roots, Robin Fuller picks out five of the best animated television series of ‘80s America.
As the live action spin-off of the immensely popular ‘80s television series, the release of Transformers will be broached with trepidation amongst Thatcher’s children the length and breadth of Britain. Will director Michael Bay do our childhood fantasies justice? Or will he dash our high hopes and blight Transformer appeal for generations to come?
The launch of the Beagle Mars
Rover in 2003 ended with a
crash. Or so we thought. When
the duelling alien races of the
Autobots and the Decepticons
bring their battle to Earth,
the future of humankind is
– you guessed it – hanging in
the balance, as seen through the
eyes of one Sam Witwicky (Shia
LaBeouf) and love interest Mikaela
(Megan Fox).
As you brace
yourselves for robot rampage, let
us go back to the ‘80s and the
genesis of the droids in disguise…
TRANSFORMERS (1984)
Masterminded by American toy manufacturers Hasbro, Transformers focuses on a race of robots from the planet Cybertron that transform into various planes, trains and automobiles. The Autobots, led by the
fearless juggernaut Optimus
Prime, and the evil Decepticons,
commanded by Megatron - a big
shiny helmet of a transformer that
can defy physics and assemble
into a small handgun - crash land
on planet Earth where a big civil
war ensues over Energon crystals.
Cue lots of imaginative transformations and violent confrontations between the metallic forces of good and evil, accompanied by a blistering rock score that sounds like a freakish collaboration between Europe and Survivor.
I always felt sorry for the Autobot that transformed into a telescope, the type of which sits on Blackpool pier and gets shat on by seagulls… “Oh it’s ok Optimus, you go on in your nice shiny red and blue lorry. Here are the keys to your Porsche, Jazz. And don’t forget to take Grimlock the Dinobot out for a walk. I’ll just sit around here like an underused paperweight, burning ants with my lens.”
Transformers was so popular
that not only did a vast collection
of toys hit the shelves, but a huge
cartoon movie was released in
1986 with the likes of Leonard
Nimoy, Robert Stack and Eric Idle
providing voices.
Even the mightily
girthed Orson Welles leant his
voice to the character of Unicron,
a robot that transforms into a
planet and eats…er…planets.
Autobots transform!
THUNDERCATS (1985)
“Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form into Mumm-
Ra, the ever-living!” I say something similar to myself in the cold light of morning.
22 years later, Thundercats the animated television series is as popular as ever.
A combination of thunderous theme tune and thunderous cat action, not to mention animation and narrative, has sealed its popularity for eternity.
After their home planet of
Thundera is destroyed, the
Thundercats travel to Third Earth,
and no doubt give the land a good
feline spray down. Lion-O is their
assumed leader, a flame haired
warrior armed with the magical
Sword of Omens who goes
“Ho!” a lot.
He is joined in the
Thundercat quest for justice, truth,
honour and loyalty by Tygra the
architect and engineer, a wise old
tabby-human armed with a bolo-
whip and occasional invisibility. Panthro is a big purple beast of a cat, mechanic by trade and strongman armed with nunchakus in the face of adversity. Cheetara completes the line-up, a nice pussy albeit slightly spotty, who’s handy with a staff and quick over short distances. They are followed around Third Earth by Snarf, a timid furry creature more Cheshire cat than Thundercat, the Ro-Bear Berbils, a furry race of mechanical ewoks, and the two wily kittens, a pair of annoying youngsters on airborne surfboards who lark about the planet, getting into mischief.
All that threatens to soil the litter tray of their tranquillity is Mumm-Ra, an ugly Egyptian mummy who looks like the love child of Thora Hird and Iggy Pop. Mumm-Ra is an immortal ravaged by time, and in the shadow of his keepers who transform him into a muscular and youthful version of his ugly self when he’s after the Sword of Omens and the Eye of Thundera. Often accompanied by a horde of reptilians, simians and jackal creatures, Mumm-Ra is as formidable as the formaldehyde he’s preserved in.
Thundercats is dying for a
live action remake, of which
rumours abound. One to get
your whiskers twitching is a
potential film starring Matthew
McConaughey as Lion-O. Mine’s a saucer of milk – table two.
ULYSSES 31 (1981)
A real thinking kids piece of sci-
fi animation, you can watch this
and feel educated.
The Franco-
Japanese anime series Ulysses 31 was based on Greek and
Roman mythology, transported to
space and the 31st century.
Ulysses, a bearded messiah look-alike in a spacesuit, angers the gods of Olympus when he kills the giant Cyclops in order to save a group of enslaved children including his son Telemakus. Zeus sentences Ulysses to travel the universe in his spaceship the Odyssey, which is virtually identical to the spacecraft in 2001: A Space Odyssey and even has its own HAL in the form of Shirka. Ulysses must find the kingdom of Hades and release his crew from frozen suspension.
Cue lots of astronomical
adventuring and plundering of
Greek myth and folklore, as
Ulysses – along with his son, alien
girl Yumi and annoying android
Nono – battle minotaurs and other monsters on the way. A dark animated series for children, with the odd convention defying death scene thrown in for good measure.
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS (1983)
If ever there was an animated
animal that deserved to be taken
out into a field and shot, it was
Dungeon & Dragons’ Uni.
How
many times did that pain in the
arse of a horned goat, with its
Paul Calf mullet and whine that
sounded like the last death throes
of a deflating balloon, stop Hank
and his band of mythical misfits
from getting back home?
Dungeons & Dragons was closely based on the slightly nerdish role-playing game of the same title. A gang of American kids are transported, via a roller coaster, to a fantastical world known as the Realm. The Dungeon Master, aka Yoda in a kaftan, equips them with new clothes and special powers to help them on their quest to find a way home.
Amongst others, we have Hank, a 15-year-old boy who, armed with a magical bow, becomes a ranger and leader of the party. There’s Eric, a posh prat of a knight with a magical shield, providing the series with some light comic relief, and Presto the magician, a nerd with a magical hat. And then there is Uni, a unicorn the band of adventurers regretfully befriend on their journey.
As they travel across mythical
landscapes straight out of Lord
of the Rings, Venger stops
them in their tracks. An evil
wizard with one horn on
the side of his head (very
fashionable in D&D), sat
astride a black-winged
stallion, Venger is the son
of the Dungeon Master and
after the adventurers’ magic
weapons.
A five-headed
dragon called Tiamat
stands in Venger’s way,
singeing horned one on
more than one occasion.
Dungeons & Dragons is gifted with good animation and a progressive plot worked through episode by episode. And do they make it back home? I hear the whining sound of a deflating balloon…
HE-MAN (1983)
In my darkest hour as a
child fan, I remember running
around the playground, with
two school ties criss-crossed
over bare chest, blonde mullet
blowing defiantly in the wind, and
raising aloft my magic Berol pen
with the cry, “By the powers of
grey school, I have the power.”
Today I can still do this, but only
in selected clubs and bars. He-Man was a monstrously popular, albeit badly drawn, animated fantasy, courtesy of the Mattel toy line Masters of the Universe. Set in the imaginary world of Eternia, the central character is Prince Adam, son of Eternia’s rulers King Randor and Queen Marlena. Adam is a muscular coward
in a pallid chemise - with a bob.
When he holds his sword aloft
and utters the magic words he
becomes He-Man, a muscular
hero in a loincloth - with a bob.
Allied with the moustachioed
Man-At-Arms, the tantalizing Tela
and the aerial Orko, a sort of red-
cloaked Paul Daniels, He-Man
straddles the saddle of Battle Cat
the psychedelic tiger on steroids
and kicks Skeletor’s bony butt.
Skull-faced Skeletor is a powerful warlord with good cheekbones. With his band of comical henchmen, his sole aim is to overthrow Castle Greyskull, the source of He-
Man’s powers and home to the Sorceress, a wise and magical woman with Cher’s wardrobe.
The series broke the traditional conventions of ‘80s children’s television with its scenes of colourful violence. He-Man rarely killed and rarely used his sword, but the odd slice of Eternia thrown squarely at Skeletor must have hurt the bony blighter.
The highlight of each cartoon was arguably the words of warning that followed the end of each story, such as don’t do drugs, don’t steal and don’t talk to semi-naked musclemen in loincloths…